Best 31 Woody Allen Brilliant Audio Mp3 Quotes Funny, Love, Death

“ If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. ” – Woody Allen

“ Having sex is like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. ” – Woody Allen

“ Eighty percent of success is showing up. ” – Woody Allen

“ All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it. ” – Woody Allen

“ Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. ” – Woody Allen

“ I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. ” – Woody Allen

“ Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. ” – Woody Allen

“ The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. ” – Woody Allen

“ Is sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right. ” – Woody Allen

“ Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. ” – Woody Allen

“ I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government. ” – Woody Allen

“ I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. ” – Woody Allen

“ I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. ” – Woody Allen

“ I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. ” – Woody Allen

“ When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. ” – Woody Allen

“ I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. ” – Woody Allen

“ My brain? That’s my second favorite organ. ” – Woody Allen

“ The only thing standing between me and greatness is me. ” – Woody Allen

“ There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman. ” – Woody Allen

“ She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. ” – Woody Allen

“ If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. ” – Woody Allen

“ Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment. ” – Woody Allen

“ This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole. ” – Woody Allen

“ In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ” – Woody Allen

“ I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. ” – Woody Allen

“ To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. ” – Woody Allen

“ Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. ” – Woody Allen

“ Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. ” – Woody Allen

“ Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all. ” – Woody Allen

“ Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; among 5 it’s fantastic. ” – Woody Allen

“ When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. ” – Woody Allen